I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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