Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
