hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
