we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In other news, I just burned my penis
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
