Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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