Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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