I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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