i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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