I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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