Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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