Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
