Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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