im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
