a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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