the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
