why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
