So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
