so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
