Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
false alarm, still single
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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