I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
