stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
