Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
