wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
