she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
