Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
