I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
