I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
