I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
