I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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