i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
