Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
