How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
