I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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