capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
