Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize