sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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