I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
