You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
