Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
