I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
