I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
In America we eat man semen.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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