So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
