You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
