i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
