Kiss
Puke
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
