Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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