sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
