That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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