got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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