My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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