Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is the high leading the old right now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
