so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
