I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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