That's intense
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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