What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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