Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
