Your face is a jimmy john
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
