piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When are your genitals available?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
