i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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