why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
