plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
