Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
they need to just BURY HIM!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
