Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize