whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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