But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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