if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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