i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
