he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
