I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
