i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
