Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
